History is a Bitch - a weblog by Jeanne Kalogridis

A book about Catherine de' Medici, actually. The U.S. title will be THE BLOODIEST QUEEN, and the U.K. title will be THE MEDICI QUEEN. (Understandably, "bloody" plus "queen" just really doesn't go over well in Britain...)

The great-granddaughter of Lorenzo the Magnificent, Catherine became Queen of France through marriage. For centuries, she has been blamed for the horrific St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre, in which scores of thousands of French Protestants were slaughtered. Me, I'm thinkin' she got a bum rap.

I often hear the question: “How much of what you write in your historical novels is actually true?”*

A lot. At the beginning stages of a book, I sit down with all the reliable recorded information that I can find about my hero. I write a timeline of notable events in the woman’s life, then study up on the most important people in her life and how they interacted with her.

Then I meditate on those things, and using those events and people, come up with a dramatic overlay of a plot with a strong theme and gradually-building conflict. It’s usually pretty easy to spot the most crucial moment in my protagonist’s life, and the big pay-off centers around that moment. In most cases, I focus on a particularly dramatic time in my character’s life; right now, with THE BLOODIEST QUEEN, I’m tackling Catherine de’ Medici’s entire earthly existence.

That's a line from Stephen King; he used it to refer to the delicious experience of so enjoying a novel that you forget you're reading. You're that utterly absorbed.

I had that experience today, except that I was writing the book, not reading it. I worked today from 7 a.m. until 5 p.m. on THE BLOODIEST QUEEN, with a minimal break for lunch. (That post that appeared this afternoon at 3-whatever-o'clock -- that was written two days ago.) Not healthy for the spine or the waistline, sitting still so long. But there's no more exhilarating experience than watching plot and characters come alive and start working together to birth something fine. This sort of madness only comes over me when the story is well under way, as it is with BQ. (My agent and I refer to my books in abbreviated fashion; THE BORGIA BRIDE is BB, THE BURNING TIMES is BT and now we have THE BLOODIEST QUEEN and BQ. Our joke is that BQ is the lovechild of Burger King and Dairy Queen, har har.)

I now know more than anyone should about the magus (Wise Man) Gaspar (aka Caspar). Does anyone else find it fascinating that the Wise Men were Persian astrologers, members of a priestly caste of Zoroastrians, and that the Star of Bethlehem might well have been the planet Jupiter?

I love writing historicals.

A little multiple-choice test for you about Catherine de' Medici, the protagonist of THE BLOODIEST QUEEN (aka THE MEDICI QUEEN), the novel I'm currently writing:

Question: Which innovation did Italian-born Catherine de' Medici bring to the sixteenth-century French court?

Answer:
a) High-heeled shoes. In fact, she invented them for her wedding ceremony because she was very short and her groom very tall.
b) Tobacco. She experimented with it medicinally, to cure her migraines, but the French loved the snuff for its own sake, and soon began smoking the weed.
c) Pantaloons, or "panties." Up to that time, French women wore no underwear. (Let us all begin to hum "There's a place in France...")
d) The side-saddle. French women were confined to a throne-like contraption which did not allow them to ride alongside the men. Catherine liked to hunt at full canter and jump hedges and had no patience for such silliness.
e) Handkerchiefs, the lacier the better. Before Catherine, folks used their fingers or their sleeves.
f) The Borgias' infamous poison, known as the cantarella.

And the answer is....

I've been dreadfully remiss about posting. My apologies. It's just that I'm in the throes of finishing THE BLOODIEST QUEEN (aka THE MEDICI QUEEN).

I'm crazed, and will continue to be crazed for the next two months or so. Let's just say that Donna Giovanna has vacated the Palazzo Kalogridis kitchen, and she and poor Ser Giorgio are reduced to living on take-out.

My eyes are constantly pin-wheeling with eyestrain. I know I've said it before, but I really do feel like Kathleen Turner in the opening scenes of ROMANCING THE STONE -- you know, where she's at her typewriter in her bathrobe, unbathed, hair a mess, sobbing her eyes out and blowing her nose as she writes the final scenes of her lusty romance novel?

Well, that's me. That's me, for the next two months, except that the typewriter is actually an Apple. Powerbook. 17". And there are crumbs all over my keyboard. When I click the touchpad mouse, it goes crunch. And Sweetie Pie the Labrador is glaring balefully at me because she didn't get her hour-long walk this morning.

But I promise not to forget you, gentle reader, in the midst of it all. I will post. I will bravely blog.

That is all.

My current work-in-progress, THE BLOODIEST QUEEN, is based around the key event of the St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre in France. More than 70,000 French Protestants (known as Huguenots) were slain by Catholics in mob violence.

It all began on August 24, 1572. August is beastly hot, even in the City of Lights, and most Parisians have the good sense to hightail it out of the city for the better part of the month.

No one thought to do that back in 1572; they'd all been invited to the wedding of Catherine de' Medici's daughter. Paris was a tinderbox that year, brutally hot, a fact which no doubt fueled the sectarian violence.

By coincidence, as I've been studying up on the details of that vicious summer, my little corner of paradise has heated up to 105 degrees today. And it's only noon. Let's just say I'm glad I don't keep weapons in the house. And that I have a don't-discuss-religion-when-it's-over-eighty-degrees rule, too.

At least I can kill people digitally. I'm off to slay a Huguenot or two as soon as I finish typing these words...

The picture? Ah, that's Django the Wonder Pup, the newest resident of the Palazzo Kalogridis. Sure, he looks all cute and innocent now, but give him a few minutes outside in the heat, and he'll turn into a slavering monster.

Some more interesting facts I learned about Catherine de' Medici while researching THE BLOODIEST QUEEN:

Catherine was Mary, Queen of Scots' mother-in-law. In fact, when Mary was five, she left Scotland and went to live at the French court, where she was raised by Catherine and her husband, King Henri IV. (That's Mary's portrait at age twelve, BTW.)

So, a little multiple choice pop quiz for you, just for fun:

Catherine and Mary, Queen of Scots

a) adored each other so much that Mary called her "my true mother."
b) despised each other so much that Mary, at her tender age, referred to Catherine as "that shopkeeper's daughter"
c) disliked each other, but were publicly polite to each other.

Answers below. Next fun fact:

Catherine's rival for Henri's affections was Diane de Poitiers, whom Henri openly adored, even though Diane was nineteen years his senior.

Catherine and Diane

a) got along quite well, actually; Diane was Catherine's lady-in-waiting, and lovingly nursed Catherine through many illnesses;
b) hated each other so much that Catherine refused to enter a room if Diane was in it;
c) were extremely fond of each other, to the point that historians believe the two women may have had sexual relations with each other.

And the answers are:

It's all over but the shouting, folks -- at least until I hear back from my editor, whom I utterly adore. I e-mailed the manuscript to him twenty minutes ago.

As of this instant, THE BLOODIEST QUEEN (whose US title might change to the UK title of THE MEDICI QUEEN) is scheduled for publication by St. Martin's in Winter of 2009 -- as things progress, I'll learn whether that means January, February, or March '09.

More to come this week. Thanks to all of you for putting up with my long absence.

My editor, Charlie, loved the book I turned in -- hooray! Just as delightfully, there are almost no editorial changes to be done -- double hooray!

The title, however, has been changed from THE BLOODIEST QUEEN to THE MEDICI QUEEN because the marketing folks are frightened that my gory title might scare off prospective readers.

Gee whiz. It is, after all, a book about a massacre (the St. Bartholomew's Day one, to be exact). And I would have thought, by now, that my readers have figured out that I like things, um, dark.

But the marketing folks also insisted on changing my title from PAINTING MONA LISA to I, MONA LISA, and I've had a number of US readers tell me they preferred the latter title, because it was far more descriptive of the book's content.

Further update: THE MEDICI QUEEN will be released in hardcover first, instead of trade paperback (translation: They really, really like the book and have faith reviewers and readers will, too). This has pushed us back a bit from a Winter 2009 pub date to Spring/Summer 2009, so that lots of reviewers and distributors can get advance reading copies.

In the interim, the author is catching up on some long-deserved reading of her favorite authors -- one of whom is Dan Simmons. More about him soon...

Remember that book called THE BLOODIEST QUEEN? That became THE MEDICI QUEEN when it was pointed out that my UK and Australian readers would guffaw at the "Bloodiest" bit?

Well, after much deliberation, I came up with another title with a bit more pizzazz than THE MEDICI QUEEN -- one which shows Catherine's deep involvement with evil forces. The result?

THE DEVIL'S QUEEN. It'll be out spring/summer 2009, and I'll give an update as soon as I know the month.

P.S. That, plus I've heard my dear friend John Allen is running for President. I'm anxiously awaiting his text message to learn which lucky soul he's chosen as his running mate.