"I have been an author for twenty years and an ass for fifty-five." -- Mark Twain
Mark Twain has always been one of my favorite authors; I got hooked on him back in tenth grade, when I played Twain in a skit for Mrs. Dodamead's English class. (Alas, she wouldn't let me light that cigar, but I spent a year toying with Swisher Sweets...)
So for those of you who wish to know the rules I l write by, here they are, both large and small, as Twain designated them:
Large rules:
1. A tale shall accomplish something and arrive somewhere.
2. The episodes of a tale shall be necessary parts of the tale, and shall help develop it.
3. The personages in a tale shall be alive, except in the case of corpses, and that always the reader shall be able to tell the corpses from the others.
4. The personages in a tale, both dead and alive, shall exhibit a sufficient excuse for being there.
5. When the personages of a tale deal in conversation, the talk shall sound like human talk, and be talk such as human beings would be likely to talk in the given circumstances, and have a discoverable meaning, also a discoverable purpose, and a show of relevancy, and remain in the neighborhood of the subject in hand, and be interesting to the reader, and help out the tale, and stop when the people cannot think of anything more to say.
6. The personages of a tale shall confine themselves to possibilities and let miracles alone; or, if they venture a miracle, the author must so plausibly set it forth as to make it look possible and reasonable.
Little rules:
7. An author should say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.
8. Use the right word, not its second cousin.
9. Eschew surplusage.
10. Not omit necessary details.
Most people know that Twain was an abolitionist, but most don't realize that he was also a vegetarian, paranormal research enthusiast (after having an eerily predictive dream about his brother Henry's death), and anti-imperialist.
I don't remember much about what I said in that impromptu English class skit, but I do recall one quip that stuck with me. When asked by an interviewer, "Mr. Twain, what did you find to be hardest about writing HUCKLEBERRY FINN?" I answered instantly, without flinching: "Selling it to a publisher."
Comments (4)
These are wonderful. Thanks for writing them. I would like to post them on my own blog with credit and a link to you and yhour site, of course. Would that be okay?
Mirella Patzer
Posted by Mirella Patzer - Author | January 8, 2008 1:50 PM
Posted on January 8, 2008 13:50
Mirella,
Absolutely; post away. Twain's rules are public domain now, so there's no need for credit.
Posted by Jeanne Kalogridis | January 8, 2008 2:04 PM
Posted on January 8, 2008 14:04
Samuel Clemens; what a guy! No wonder he ended up in TREK (TNG to be exact). Since no one ever stays dead there, rules 3 and 4 were probably the impetus to slip him in to that "universe".
...and don't editors tend to LOVE rule #9?
Posted by John Allen | February 14, 2008 6:26 AM
Posted on February 14, 2008 06:26
Hi Jeanne,
This is great!
I especially like the ending,
"Selling it to a publisher."
I miss you! Hope you are not sitting as much as I am!!
With love from your old yoga teacher and her new pigs, Rosie and Tillie
Posted by Suza | June 24, 2008 5:07 PM
Posted on June 24, 2008 17:07